Tales of the bed hog

No, I'm not talking about Mike. But speaking of Mike, he's started to have full on conversations with people in his sleep. At least they sound like fun conversations.

Yep, we're back to the adorable pseudo-baby, Charlie. He used to sleep on the floor in his own bed, I never wanted him in my bed when I first got him. Mostly because he smelled due to his skin allergies in that moldy apartment I had in the Grove.

But then we moved to Arizona. And somehow, my fear of "things that could get him on the floor" got the better of me. If you know anything about the desert, there's a bazillion things that could kill you, especially living as far away from humanity as we did. We had coyotes, tarantulas, all sorts of spiders, mean birds, a bobcat, rattlesnakes. The plants weren't much nicer.

The interesting irony here is that I actully did get stung. In bed by a sweet little scorpion. With the dog just inches away, snoring his head off.

So, the dog now has to sleep in the bed with us. He usually begins the night at the foot of the bed, but that smart little sucker, he figured out that he gets kicked a lot more down there AND that pillows were an awful darn good invention. So, generally now he sleeps between us, with his head on a pillow like a person. He generally migrates to this position about 2.3 seconds after the light turns off.

So last night, he was sleeping, but decided he was thirsty and wanted water. The way I know this is that he stands precariously on my back and sniffs at my head. So we got up, got some water. Went back to bed. He spent an hour finding the "right" spot. Walking across my back (I sleep face down) and stepping on my head.

When he finally did fall asleep (between us, like a person) he commenced to breathe in weird, short little breaths that indicate he's dreaming. Occasionally, a meager bark. Right in my ear. For two hours. I would poke him awake, so he'd CUT THAT OUT, but he would just fall back asleep and do it all over again.

So not much sleep was had by me. I have not been able to turn over in my own bed for 5 years now, and I'm continuing to be awakened by a heavy breathing, moving target of a dog, or by a sleep talking boyfriend.

Am thinking of moving to the guest room.

Do not think I'll be missed. That Cali King isn't big enough for the three of us.