Tales of the bed hog

No, I'm not talking about Mike. But speaking of Mike, he's started to have full on conversations with people in his sleep. At least they sound like fun conversations.

Yep, we're back to the adorable pseudo-baby, Charlie. He used to sleep on the floor in his own bed, I never wanted him in my bed when I first got him. Mostly because he smelled due to his skin allergies in that moldy apartment I had in the Grove.

But then we moved to Arizona. And somehow, my fear of "things that could get him on the floor" got the better of me. If you know anything about the desert, there's a bazillion things that could kill you, especially living as far away from humanity as we did. We had coyotes, tarantulas, all sorts of spiders, mean birds, a bobcat, rattlesnakes. The plants weren't much nicer.

The interesting irony here is that I actully did get stung. In bed by a sweet little scorpion. With the dog just inches away, snoring his head off.

So, the dog now has to sleep in the bed with us. He usually begins the night at the foot of the bed, but that smart little sucker, he figured out that he gets kicked a lot more down there AND that pillows were an awful darn good invention. So, generally now he sleeps between us, with his head on a pillow like a person. He generally migrates to this position about 2.3 seconds after the light turns off.

So last night, he was sleeping, but decided he was thirsty and wanted water. The way I know this is that he stands precariously on my back and sniffs at my head. So we got up, got some water. Went back to bed. He spent an hour finding the "right" spot. Walking across my back (I sleep face down) and stepping on my head.

When he finally did fall asleep (between us, like a person) he commenced to breathe in weird, short little breaths that indicate he's dreaming. Occasionally, a meager bark. Right in my ear. For two hours. I would poke him awake, so he'd CUT THAT OUT, but he would just fall back asleep and do it all over again.

So not much sleep was had by me. I have not been able to turn over in my own bed for 5 years now, and I'm continuing to be awakened by a heavy breathing, moving target of a dog, or by a sleep talking boyfriend.

Am thinking of moving to the guest room.

Do not think I'll be missed. That Cali King isn't big enough for the three of us.

And he didn't even read my last post

So I woke up this morning, threw something into the garbage, and found this:

It was as though the Verve Trash Fairy came and left this behind as evidence.

Woohooo! You know what that means? I can see the shelf they were on! They are all gone for now. Until the next case moves in, I have a blissful half day of shelfage.

I went out last night to this French Tuesday event. It's a snoot filled get together for French and Franchophiles, which I suppose means that you love everything French. I was invited (because, you have to be invited by a current member, of course) by a friend of mine, and as this was the second time she had invited me and I blew off the first time, I thought I should go. It was ok, held at a nice bar, good champagne, and I had to tango with a nice older man that insisted upon it. Luckily Mike and I took all those ballroom dance lessons, so I held my own.

So I returned and found Mike, his brother Dave, and our friend Drew hanging out. Watching Madonna's last tour on DVD that we ordered from China and you know, it actuallly looks good even though we had our doubts. They had already downed some wine, and Mike was making them cocktails exclusively out of Verve and vodka, even if they asked for something else. Way to go, babe!

One case down, several to go. Now we need to work on the Pina Coladas. Anyone thirsty this weekend?

PS. No, Mom, those aren't our cigarettes in that trash can, they're Drew's!

The not so subtle fridge takeover

Ok, so I have a bone to pick with GE. Or any company that now makes the pretty, shiny, stainless steel vertical door refrigerators that pretty much have room for a gallon of milk, a crapload of condiments, a carton of eggs, and a crisper that holds a bag of prewashed lettuce.

The refrigerator of my childhood, which was the horizontal door type, seemed to hold a LOT more food. You could fit a heck of a lot more in there, possibly even a whole Thanksgiving meal! And remember that "Punky Brewster" episode where one of her friends (the annoying Cherie, I think...) got stuck in the old refrigerator when they were playing hide and seek? A public service announcement, to be sure, but a wise lesson that scared the shit out of kids everywhere. It was like the "Jaws" of Generation X.

But refrigerators of today? You can't even fit a shih tzu in there. Mine tries like mad to crawl in there if it's open, and I can tell you, he won't fit. (Personally, I think he views it as some kind of unreachable Nirvana.)

Also irritating: Stainless Steel, the material that looks great but is a magnet for finger prints the minute after you clean it. And no matter how often you wipe it with Method cleaner, it still looks...streaky. And fingerprinted.

But no, my real issue here is the lack of space. And Mike. Who seems to realize we have a space issue but forgets it when he orders and/or opens certain things without regard to my food space. It's an ongoing turf war since our days in Arizona, where the wine supply eventually squeezed out the gallon of milk I bought one day.

So now that the wine is safely stored in a wine storage facility (that's a whole other blog), the fridge is now privy to some newer invaders of the constantly invading type.

Invader #1:

Verve energy drink. We are supposed to sell this for Mike's racing team this year. I don't like energy drinks.

Mike -"It tastes better than Redbull!!See, I've had two already today!!! Don't you want some???" (Buzzes around house, talks faster than normal.)

The great thing about this drink is that we have several cases of it just waiting to be shoved in there. Because let's face it, we're not selling it. We're merely trying to disguise it as RedBull when our friends come over for drinks. We even bring it to parties. I think people are starting not to invite us over anymore because of this stuff. I'm thinking it will be in our house (and Mike's trunk) until 2011.

Invader #2:

Random Cans of Beer.

This one I have to blame on our friends, as I only drink beer when I'm in Mexico or the Caribbean. They bring them, forget them. And there they sit, until they next time they arrive, with more beer. It's a vicious cycle.

Invader #3:

Monavie, the latest craze in antioxidants.

This is a recent newcomer to the party. Our friends swear by this stuff, it's supposed to be chock full of antioxidants and vitamins and the cure for everything that ever ailed you. You're supposed to drink 2 oz's a day. One of our friends won't travel without it, and says it helps hangovers. I haven't found that to, um, be the case yet. Although it would probably help if I drank it after I came home for the evening, instead of in the morning.

This invader I actually kind of like. I don't mind drinking it. I'm not sure if I see the benefits yet, although I imagine the antioxidants getting into my bloodstream, battling all the bad things that apparently lurk there. We have 8 of these bottles a month.

Invader #4:

TGI Friday's Pina Colada Mix.

"Oops," says Mike, after opening it because he finally wanted a Pina Colada 6 years after we've been together, "I didn't realize you had to refrigerate it after opening."

Yes, this lovely relic was around before we started dating, and has been the part of the pantry from two houses in Arizona and then traveled across country to take up residence here in Miami. I hate Pina Coladas, so now this will probably sit for a long time in our fridge. Taking up space on the valuable "top shelf", the only place tall bottles can go.

Now yes, I've been guilty of hogging up some parts of the fridge too. The yummy mango chutney that seems to go well with everything, except that I never use it. The delicious and expensive sea scallops that I bought at Wild Oats that I didn't need a half pound of and insisted on freezing because they were good quality scallops and are still sitting, frozen into a scallop brick, in my freezer a year later. The miso that I use to baste portobello mushrooms with the three times a year I make that dish.

This fridge takeover does make me miss the days of this, though:

That's right, you have your own rented pad now. I forgot. Have some room for the Colada?

The telltale beating of my car

So I was driving to the Grove the other day to show a listing I have down there. Listening to the radio. Humming along. Enjoying the wonderful weather. Looking forward to lunch with my friend Stacie.

And then I heard it. Swish, swish. Swish, swish.

Hmm. I'm pretty neurotic about keeping my car clean. Especially because I really don't like my car, I figure I have to make the most of it by keeping it tidy. It sounded like a bottle that someone had left on the floor of the backseat, which wouldn't be unlikely as my friends do tend to leave stuff behind.


So I parallel parked. Paid for the parking. Opened the back door. Reached under the seat. Found the offending water bottle. Found, yes, another water bottle! And then, to my utter disgust, found this:

Yes, the red pepper I bought at the farmer's market that I knew I bought and tore apart my refrigerator looking for but could not find. It was like holding a human heart. All mushy, the skin loosened....gahh.

Is it bad that I thought maybe it could be considered a roasted pepper? Possibly okay for consumption? Like a sundried pepper? How long would it take to really dry it out? Was it a marketable item? It was interesting, for a moment. I stood there and held it, squished it.

Don't worry, I chucked it.

Other goings on

Whoops! I got so caught up in that mundane Charlie story that I forgot to say what I had been up to lately. Not like it could beat that riveting tale, though.

So yeah, we went to Michael Capponi's birthday party a few weekends ago. I'm going to assume that most people reading this don't know who he is, but if you live in South Florida or know the international club scene at all, you'd know that he's one of the biggest event promoters in history. He was also addicted to drugs for several years (sober now)so he doesn't know you from a hole in the wall when he meets you over and over. He also has a construction company.

Needless to say, this was a very chi chi event. The glitterati of Miami were there, blah blah blah. I'm still not sure how we got on the invite list, but we were happy to attend.

So he's redoing one of the executive airplane hangars at the Opa Locka Private airport. Hence the reason to have his big 36th bday bash there, in fun 1940's style, complete with a swing band, vintage airplanes, and sponsors pouring martinis. A lot of people did give to the charities that were set up there, though, which was a nice gesture. Mike gave to...something, for kids.

Mike and I just arrived back from Mexico the night before, and even though I had bugged him for weeks, he finally decided the morning of the party that he should rent a zoot suit. Lucky for him everyone else in Miami also procrastinates so we got to ABC Costume(pretty much the only costume store here) early and snapped up one of the only ones left. He looked great in it, and as he knows, I'm a sucker for a guy in a suit..

Right before our camera died...that's why it's a bit blurry, this was still pre-martini.

I luckily had an outfit from my aunt's wedding, and somehow I managed to use one of the most impossible things known to me, my stupid false eyelashes! They worked! I've been trying to get these suckers on for years. I usually end up with crusty eye glue on my lids and a pleasant burning sensation in my eyes before I throw in the towel. I still don't know how I did it. All I know is that I need new tweezers now but it was worth it. Also crazy - I managed to curl my hair with bobby pins and a hair dryer. Also virtually impossible! And I found a fabulous hat on whim and 30 minutes before I had to get ready, it was $30 bucks at a funky vintage store I found. Still not sure how I pulled that one off.

So we had a great time, it was a spectacular party. Everyone dressed to the nines. I think we would have been well suited for that time, no?



Why yes, we will have another complimentary martini....




Some other cool pics:






I still have the hat out, I put it on sometimes and wear it around the house in my sweats. It's in rotation with my bunny ears and Mike's light up devil horns. And lo, we still get guests in our house....we try to scare them off but it doesn't work.



Speaking of guests, my mom came for a delightful visit last week as well. She hadn't been down here since we moved back from Arizona. I wasn't sure how she'd handle the height issue (we're 34 flights up!) but she actually did well with it and spent a lot of time on the balcony. The weather was perfect. I had to work so she mainly hung out and read, went to the beach, etc...but she seemed very content with that. We went on a 90 minute boat cruise around Miami Beach one of the days, it was a narrated tour about some of the star's homes, etc. I made mom her first strawberry margarita. It was a good time.



Of course, I have no pictures of this as our camera bit the dust. Or, actually, the dust bit the camera! Literally. It died from desert dust from Burning Man. So all pictures I've taken since then have been taken with my New Favorite Thing Ever That I Can Never Live Without, my Blackberry. Oh, my Blackberry. It completes me.



Today is Mike's 35th birthday! Which means I have 3 more days until he gets back from his business trip to buy a present for him! He's hard to shop for, he only wants wine. He's busy buying up 2005 Bordeaux right now. Highly suggested to buy now if you like wine, 2005 was the best year in the last several decades. I know because I hear it every time a new shipment arrives.

Charlie and the Carrot Factory

As promised, I have been slacking at this blog business...at least I deliver!

So most of you know about my little boy Charlie. Charlie has been my sweet guy since I brought him home from the pound during my second year at the University of Miami. I wanted a companion, as I lived by myself, and I'm allergic to dogs that shed, so a small dog was the way to go. After months of searching, I found him and he's been my little shadow ever since.

He's getting older, though. He is probably around 10 now. And while he's been relatively healthy, he's experiencing "older dog" problems. Eye issues, arthritis. Heart murmur. He sleeps like Rip Van Winkle. He's cranky about the messiness of his sleeping arrangements. Demands carrots - his favorite treat (yes, I know it's weird) when I make a salad.

Last week we made our way to the vet opthamalogist - and frankly, I wasn't sure what to expect. His regular vet thought that he wasn't seeing much anymore at all, as his eyes are pretty cloudy. I wasn't so sure. Here is my proof.

I can has cheez! I almost reach it! Eh! Hold my butt, Dad, while I reeechhh....

Shih tzus for Pammy!

So I think that these are pretty good proof that he can still see a bit. Plus he still chases after toys, and gets up on the couch ok. But I know it's getting worse, and his depth perception is off. So I was prepared for a not so great diagnosis.

The appointment started out with his typical squirmy antics. But hey, they stuck little papers and a pressure gauge in his eyes, several times. He finally gave up and let them see his peepers, but not without a struggle. That's my boy.

At least this was not reminiscent of the "arthritis" trip, where the vet pulled on his leg, he yelped and me, well, I immediately burst into tears like a big blubbering baby. I did bring my own tissues this time though.

So good news...he's not that bad! Dry eye, some ulcers, but no glaucoma and maybe with the incredibly expensive eye drops - three of them - he may even get a little better.

Mebbe I buy stock in 1800petmeds. After I has carrots for pain an sufferin.

I is still mad at you, woman. But I is not too mad for nap. Zzzzz....

So now we fight twice a day with the eye drops. Then he promptly wipes his face and eyes on our bedspread. That little shit. But he's worth every penny.